Team Reveal: If You Ain’t First, You’re Last

Ladies and gentlemen, girls and boys, soccer fans of all ages, introducing If You’re Not First, You’re Last (IYNFYL)!

This is no ordinary team. We’re a squad built on speed, determination, and a whole lot of spunk. Instead of racing cars, we’re racing for victory. 

We’ve got players who don’t know the meaning of “slow down.”  From the goalkeeper with reflexes sharper than a NASCAR pit crew, to the strikers who’ll leave defenders eating their dust – this team is about one thing: winning.  So buckle up, because when we take the field, it’s going to be an all-out, pedal-to-the-metal ride. 

Like a spider monkey, we’re out to kick some grass and take home that trophy!  Boogity boogity boogity!

And if you don’t chew Big Red, then f— you!

Our Crew Chiefs:

Michael “SHAKE” Hennessy
Duane “EL DIABLO” Nakamura
Gregory “I’M ON FIRE” Potter

Our crew for this season:

Aaron “MAGIC MAN“ Perkins             
Alastair “AUTOGRAPH MODE“ Brewer 
Alec “PEYOTE” Kinczewski
Amy “I WANNA GO FAST” Tomtan
Chris “WALKER” Acelar
Danny “BENCH WARMER” Zaragoza
Edwin “ANARCHY” Khoo
Girish “GT” Tejwani
Jake “BAKE” Callaghan
Jared “SLINGSHOT ENGAGED” Smith
Jonathan “BABY J” Barrera-Calix
Preston “TUXEDO JESUS” Hollis
Ray “BOOGITY BOOGITY BOOGITY” Irizarry
Shiva “SIVARAMAN” Sitaraman
Tim “I’M ALL JACKED UP ON MT. DEW” Eilerman

Substitute Drivers:

SPIDER MONKEY
I LOVE CREPES
PSYCHOSOMATIC
DUSTY OLD FART
FIGHTING CHICKEN